Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull


Dr Jones, there's no way down from this ledge.

I should have known that it was a bad idea to see this film, but my wife's little brother wasn't interested in The Hulk or Sex in the City (thank heaven). George Lucas should never again be let near a motion picture. I'd love to be a fly on the wall in the Lucas household for a few days, just to listen in on the conversation and figure out if George & co. really speak in the same ridiculous, turgid dialogue the way his characters do.

The plot: It is the late 1950s and Indy (Harrison Ford), still wearing the same gear, made it through World War II working for the OSS (war-time equivalent of the CIA - except effective). He is kidnapped by an evil Stalinist Soviet version of Boris's Natasha (Cate Blanchet), whose dozens of commandos somehow break into one of the US's most secret installations with amazing ease. This base (where we saw the Ark stored at the end of the first film) is not underground, but rather in a big warehouse. Forget any recourse to believability (compared to previous Indy movies) in this, hopefully, last Indiana Jones escapade.

We also meet Dr Jones's first love interest, Marion Ravenwood(Karen Allen), are introduced to a young, Brandoeseque (poorly cast Shia LeBouf) teen rebel cum sidekick Mutt Williams, and the crazy archaeologist friend (John Hurt).

What ensues is what my wife perfectly described as a Disney-style Indiana Jones ride, that anybody who has been to Disneyland LA in the past decade will know well. The climax of the story, which I won't reveal on the grounds that nobody would believe me anyway, is predictable and thoroughly disappointing - much like everything George Lucas has produced in the past 20 years.

In summary: Horrible film, like everything Lucas has touched after the Star Wars and Indy trilogies ended so well. Was this filmed on video rather than film?

There was no decent humour, witty dialogue or tension in the action scenes. The scope of the cinematopgraphy was grand, yet wooden. The detail that was put into the period pieces was over the top, looking more like a carefully constructed period 'Days of Our Lives' than a motion picture action adventure.

Avoid it.

The Casablanca comparison: I wonder whether Michael Curtiz, if he knew George Lucas was to make a sequel to Casablanca, might have killed Rick on the tarmac after Ilsa's plane took off. I'd like to think so.
The rating: 2 out of 5. We all have to see it, but at least wait until it is on cable or free-to-air TV.

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